Basic HTML Version
Touchline • Issue 15 • 5
out to clear a ball and only managed to loop it over Zlatan’s
head, the Swedish striker circled back around and leapt two
metres into the air to perform a bicycle kick which resulted in a
goal from 40 yards.
Veteran commentator John Motson declared it to be the best
goal he had ever seen.
In a way, only Zlatan has the characteristics
to make such a goal reality. First, the over-
whelming confidence. To back yourself in a
leap that would make a salmon blanch, you
need to believe in your skill wholeheartedly-
and also to not care if you screw it up. Then
there is the athleticism. Zlatan was awarded
a black belt in taekwondo when just 17. He is
6’5 and weighs 95kg. Few players could have
got anywhere near that ball. And finally you
have the technique. Zlatan scored all four of the goals in that
drubbing.
Zlatan is very much a product of his childhood. His parents came
to the southern Swedish city of Malmo from Bosnia in the 1970s,
but things didn’t perhaps pan out the way they had hoped. His
parents divorced when he was two and in the following years
young Zlatan was moved between parents and even into foster
homes.
While people around him were experimenting with drugs and
crime, Zlatan avoided the drugs because of his natural gift for
football. He kept up his criminality throughout his teenage years
with petty theft, even stealing his coach’s bike at one point.
But Zlatan was as much a victim as he was a perpetrator. In one
interview, he describes his own bike being stolen. “I got a bike
when I was little, a BMX. I thought he was the coolest thing ever.
The bike got stolen outside of the Rosengard swimming baths. . .
and I was crushed.”
The anger and manic fear that seem to underscore his personality
today have their roots in his chaotic upbringing. He comes from
a place where you have to fight to survive, and fight harder to
prosper.
But some of the battles he starts he is guaranteed to lose. In
2008, FC Barcelona were cementing their place as one of the
greatest teams in history, but their neat approach play lacked a
Plan B. To offset the vertically challenged players like Xavi, Messi
and Iniesta, they swapped Cameroonian striker Samuel Eto’o for
the force of nature that is Zlatan.
Planets Barcelona and Ibrahimovic collided with sudden and
often hilarious results. A man who typically speaks about himself
in the third person versus a brand so hallowed that their first
shirt sponsor was Unicef were never going to make a perfect
match. The focus of Zlatan’s famous rage became the then-coach
Pep Guardiola. The two could hardly be more different, as shown
in one of their famous altercations.
As reported by Zlatan himself: ‘I threw a box full of training gear
across the room, it crashed to the floor and Pep said nothing, just
put stuff back in the box,’ he said. ‘I’m not violent, but if I were
Guardiola I would have been frightened.’
Further battles ensured that Zlatan, despite a healthy return of
22 goals in 46 games for the club, was sent packing back to Italy,
this time to AC Milan. His summation of his time
in the Barca shirt was this shot at Guardiola: “You
bought a Ferrari but you drive it like a Fiat”.
His move this season to oil-rich PSG inevitably
caused controversy, but even for Zlatan this
move was beyond the football garden variety of
scandals. His wages were so astronomical that
Valérie Fourneyron, the sports minister, described
the salary as “astronomical and unreasonable”
and “a reflection of everything that is deplorable
about football”.
Zlatan continues to pocket over €1 million per month, tax
free and has made no indication that he feels the money in
unreasonable.
There is no doubt that we have not heard the last outburst or
seen the last wonder goal from Zlatan Ibrahimovic. For Sweden,
he is a living legend. For the rest of us, a source of amazement.
Though you do have to wonder what Pep Guardiola would say.
Zlatan has made his own name an official brand, which
may be part of the reason for his use of the third person.
Here are some more ludicrous lines from the big Swede,
as prompted by members of the media.
Q. What did you get your girlfriend for her birthday?”
A. “Nothing, she already has the Zlatan.”
Q. Who do you think is the best looking woman in the
world?
“I don’t know, but when I find her I will date her.”
Q. Zlatan, are you gay?
A. ‘Come to my house and you’ll see if I’m gay. And bring
your sister.’
And one more thought on Pep. . .
“Then Guardiola started his philosopher thing. I was
barely listening. Why would I? It was advanced bullshit
about blood, sweat and tears, that kind of stuff.”
Other Zlatanisms:
No, they said.
He is simply too
good to ban.”